You get

A pointed hat, a set of trick rings.

Why did you quit magic?

1. Prosecuted: A series of witch hunters swore to have you drowned.
2. Debt: While performing a routine stage show, a being born from the shadows cast by your candles offered you power for your soul, mistaking it as a potential part of your act you obliged.
3. Loss: You mastered the ability to make things disappear, but you could never find where they went, eventually every pet you ever had was lost to the ether.
4. Heckler: One especially insensitive lay-about child always snuck into your shows and would shout just the worst jibes, to the enjoyment of your measly crowd.
5. Sabotage: Someone snuck into your storage and ruined your saw box, leading to your on-stage dismemberment of an audience participant.
6. Thievery: The look-alike you used for tricks stole your entire routine and has completely drawn your crowd away from you, painting you as the fraud.

What trick was your specialty?

1. Mentalism: You have a significant chance of being able to guess a card drawn by another being from a deck in your control.
2. Escapery: A few classes of knots pose only a moderate threat to your freedom. You can also probably regurgitate a swallowed key or small item with repulsive frequency.
3. Death Defiance: Surviving being submerged for several minutes was something you routinely practiced, or at least you are able to suppress panicking before losing consciousness .
4. Levitation: Floating a stationary target weighing no more than 12 stones was a trick you received the least lukewarm applause for.
5. Iron Jaws: You’ve discovered the correct technique of eating glass and a variety of other traditionally inedible substances.
6. Spiritualism: With a bit of setup, smoke and mirrors, you have a very minor chance of convincing someone that a partner of yours is their deceased loved one.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

You get

A hand rake, one floppy hat, a small watering tin.

Why did you leave your job?

1. Tormented: Thinking you were ridding yourself of a garden-variety pest, you poisoned the pet mole of a particularly cantankerous gnome. They have since defiled your gardens and wilted your herbs whenever they could.
2. Haunted: When you were a child one of your village playmates drowned while you two were playing in a lake. You never told their parents, and for the past several years you have been seeing your friends face in the mounds of dirt where you go to pick herbs.
3. Allergies: You thought if you just searched long enough you would find the cure to the sneezing you suffer when encountering most roots and leaves. Unfortunately this never happened.
4. Assassin: Every time you went looking for new plants, you were always assaulted by murderous strands of sentient vines, intent on using your body for fertilizer.
5. Competition: A shroomfolk found their way to your village, and would offer spores of itself to the locals. It seemed to cure most ailments, and the being disdained being paid for its services, rendering you out of work.
6. Poisoned: Stuck by the thorn of a corpse-thistle, you were bed-ridden for several months. While fighting for your life, you called to one of the many goddess of gardens, and promised you’d pick flourishing vegetation no longer.

What did you take with you?

1. Amadou: A peculiar kind of fungus that catches flame quite easily. You have about 6 uses worth.
2. Cat’s Nip +1: You keep this in a tightly-sealed bottle, but when you sprinkle even a pinch of it, a dozen or so local cats will find their way to it, and nearly any feline will be rendered catatonic for nearly an hour after getting a taste. You have about ten pinches remaining.
3. Tacky Stalk: This woody reed contains a fibrous, chalky interior that may be chewed into a gummy mound. After a few minutes this mound will harden entirely, becoming a permanent adhesive after drying.
4. Artificial Flowers: You’re not completely sure what this is, but it seems to be a bouquet fashioned out of felt, wax, wire and other materials. It looks real as long as it is not closely observed, and is rather resplendent.
5. Seed Bomb x3: You have three dirt clods held together in small canvas sacks. Their contents will explode on impact, showering whatever they strike with dirt and a multitude of seeds, dizzying anyone struck, and with a bit of rain will produce a patch of wildflowers in a week or so.
6. Jovial Mandrake: A small root that looks somewhat like a tiny human. This being follows you about, telling you jokes and laughing in its shrill, high pitched voice. After spending months with the thing you’re not sure its so bad that you cannot speak Mandrake.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

You get

A obviously weighted pair of dice, a wide-brimmed hat, a stiletto hidden in your boot.

Why made you decide to stop being dealt in?

1. Blessing: You sold your soul to a Fortune Demon to never lose a bet, and its unfortunately looking for you to return your end of the bargain.
2. Luck: You don’t know if you were cursed or just born without luck, but routinely lose every big bet you make. You did gain a crew in your hometown who always invited you to their games, though.
3. Sorrow: After Ol’ Major died in that last horse vs. pugilist boxing match, you decided you could never return to gambling again. And you’ll never forgive that horse who trampled him.
4. Addiction: Realizing you hit a low point when you started participating in Ooze Breed Shows, you called it cold turkey. You still feel bad for all the agility coursework you forced on Lil’ Ochre.
5. Vengeance: In a completely unfair turn, the Warlock you won the pot from cursed you to never be able play another hand.
6. Boredom: You find no thrill in cards, dice, races or anything of the like. You hope the dungeon can provide your kicks.

What was your grandest prize?

1. Witch’s Tooth: It was the last thing the bog hag could match you with, her divining tooth. She said if you rattle it around in your mouth, when you spit it out the patterns in your phlegm can be read by a seer.
2. Foreign Currencies: Over the years some coins not Realm-minted snuck their way into your winnings. You’re not even sure this stuff is real copper, silver or gold, and it bears peculiar visages on each coin.
3. Marble Wolf: Under the direct light of a full moon this miniature wolf statue will prowl around and follow your commands.
4. Fancy Darts: Oiled rose wood and polished brass adornments, you have a nice box with three extremely precise and impressive darts.
5. Cantankerous Beast: The local cat lady had a few to spare, and you were feeling generous so you agreed it matched your bet. Unfortunately the feline never ended up taking to you. It does seem to always become alerted when anyone tries to sneak up on it, though.
6. Circlet of the Dwarfs: When placed upon a non-dwarf’s head, this slender silver circlet causes the wearer to grow a massive, stately beard. After removing the circlet the beard proceeds to fall out in a fairly scratchy fashion over the course of a week.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

You get

Blood stained robes, a very vicious-looking dagger, a brand of some heretical mark somewhere on your body.

Why did you leave the flock?

1. Purity: Despite wanting to be in the hip crowd of cool chaos cultists and to be able to hang with all the hip bad boys & girls, it turns out your soul was incorruptible. When your cult finally accumulated enough virginal blood to someone the Festering Plague Goat, it shrieked when it set its gaze upon you, disgusting even the Fetid Lord.
2. Ignorance: You didn’t realize everyone was serious about this whole “bring on the apocalypse” thing, you thought it was just a social club to wear spooky robes and practice cackling.
3. Escape: Unable to produce any more food to your vampire patron, they turned to feed on the cult itself. You were able to head out of town while you heard screams and the fluttering of wings behind you.
4. Disappointment: After your Dark Messiah manifested, they kind of just hung around and was always eating your food, asking to crash in your hut. They were always promising dark gifts but right now they just needed to get back on their feet if you could just spare a few silver pieces.
5. Bargain: Arrested for your dastardly deeds, the sheriff offered you a choice between the gallows or ratting out your snake-worshipping buddies. You chose freedom, although you’re sure the old arch priest knows it was you who snitched.
6. Revelation: The whole cult scene goes much deeper than you ever expected. Much more heinous entities dwell in the dark, and your want to work your up (or down?) the infernal ladder.

What do you still have from the cult?

1. Infernal Parasite: One of your deity’s demonic messengers stabbed your stomach with its scorpion tale. You now have a demonic bot-fly living in your abdomen that will sometimes add its shriek to any war cry you are able to do, creating a chilling dissonance.
2. Pristine Milk: Your cults mascot turned out to be a top-notch dairy animal. You still have a tin canister of some of the finest goat milk around.
3. Horrifying Mask: The bronze face is of some contorted, twisting maw of teeth, tongues, and eyes. Wearing it generally creeps others, and sometimes yourself, out.
4. Cacophonous Flute: A wreck of a flute, if you are able to play it for a considerable amount of time everyone involved must save vs. migraine. Assuming they get beyond the initial annoyance and allow you to continue your playing.
5. Glyphed Parchment: You took a scroll from the sacrifice room of your cult. You never learned to decipher the runes contained on it, but perhaps you could find someone who can.
6. Unholy Priest’s Signet Ring: Thinking you would be able to quickly pawn this, everyone you have shown this ring to so far gasps and ushers you away from their stall immediately.

You get

A big iron ladle, a flour-dusted apron, one dull cutting knife.

What killed your love for cooking?

1. Curse: The curse laid upon the land by the Rasping Beast of the Wood makes it pretty hard to cook anything, when all of the egg yolks have been transformed into curdled blood, and the fish scream with every bite.
2. Etiquette: You had no idea that the herbs you picked for the Druid staying as your lord’s guest were parts of the dryad he loved. You snuck away in the night fearing his retribution.
3. Repulsion: The delicacies of the nobles has taken a turn for the unsettling. No longer will you produce pickled gnome eyes or goblins marrow pudding!
4. Framed: You lord was stricken blind after eating one of your Grete Pyes, but you swear it was that rascal of a squire who was always sneaking into your kitchen that poisoned them.
5. Boredom: A severe lack of interest in the local cuisine exhausted you. Maybe if you plunder the kitchen of the abandoned wizard tower you heard about will unveil new realms of flavor.
6. Mishap: You don’t know if perhaps the herbs you picked grew too close to the fairy stones, or perhaps your interpretation of the recipe accidentally resulted in a spell, but the soup you were preparing became animated, and it curses your name to this day for giving it its horrendous existence.

What keepsake reminds you of the old days?

1. Fairly Exquisite Spice Kit: Tins, jars, and pouches full of cardamon, ginger, nutmeg, sugar, and other spices. Maybe even a pinch of saffron.
2. The Lord’s Grain: Before leaving your lord’s employment you snatched a wheelbarrow, took it into the stores and completely filled it with flour before sprinting down into the wilds.
3. Bardic Creature: A catfish you were about to process looked you directly in the eyes and began to sing the most beautiful siren’s song you have ever heard. You now carry it in a large iron pot full of water.
4. Prophetic Fruit: A hedge warlock traded for one of your pies, and gave you a supposedly magical apple. He claimed that if you ask the apple a question whose answer is a being, and you take a bite from this apple, the answer’s face will appear in the browning of the flesh.
5. Peach Pie of the Sempiternal Scent: A delicious pie that always smells as if it was just pulled from the oven, always a temperature that is just shy of hot.
6. A Miraculous Recipe: Stolen or accidentally stumbled upon, you have the starting framework of a miraculous flat circle of bread covered in pasted tomato and covered in cheeses. If you can just get motivated and get the ratios correct you think it could be popular someday.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

You get

Oversized robes, a tarnished holy symbol, a formerly tonsured haircut now overgrown with stubble.

Why did you depart from the church?

1. Misinterpretations: A villager conducted seance with their recently deceased family member, a long-standing member of your flock. It turns out religious counseling by you led to their direct damnation.
2. Illiteracy: You were able to trick your superiors into thinking you could read by just staring absently into the illuminated texts for hours, but when actually asked to discuss readings from the scriptures, you were only able to give the most ridiculous of guesses.
3. Dark Night: Confronted by the stipulations of faith, you found yourself dizzied with doubts. Maybe you can find enlightenment in the relics hidden by the past civilizations.
4. Imposter: It turns out that the particular deity worshipped by your church was just some diminutive fae creature playing a joke on humankind.
5. Greed: A confessee admitted to breaking into a local crypt and swooned at the glittering treasures buried within, but also fled when something skulked in the shadows.
6. Corruption: You discovered several plots within the church – ploys to steal from peasants, absolutions provided to nobles in exchange for wealth, and even ritualistic pleas to dark powers. Disaffected you turned to a life on the road.

What final gift were you given?

1. Bracelet of the Truthful Tongue: A wrist-sized loop of wooden beads, when worn in the presence of a lie the twine will snap, spilling the beads.
2. Silver Aspergillum: A finely fashioned wand that allows the wielder to sprinkle holy water over nearby subjects.
3. Clewd’s Catalog of Chaotic Creatures: A leather-bound tome containing dozens of descriptions of demonic beings.
4. Dentures of the Saint: A small pouch of wooden teeth rumored to have been the eating implements of a notable saint. Whether or not this is true, they at least look holy to you.
5. Incense of the Ascended Man: A stick of sweet smelling incense supposedly used by the famous ascetic during their meditation that led to their apotheosis. Objects around 10 coins in weight will float on the smoke of the incense hundreds of feet up, never to be seen again.
6. Vampire Hunting Kit, Deluxe Edition: A lavishly polished wooden box containing cloves garlic, vials of holy water, a small mirror, 3 wooden stakes, a mallet, and a scroll containing one revocation of invitation bearing a bishop’s seal.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

You get

A dagger, well-kept leather shoes, a dark wool cloak.

Professional burglary is no longer part of your life, why?

1. Judged: The last time you were caught they took an ear, next time you’ll probably be executed.
2. Reformed: The Acolytes of Law convinced you that your actions brought unholy Chaos into the world. Now you seek to pay for your past transgressions.
3. Cursed: Rumors that the last house you breeched were a witch’s hut were entirely true. Now when you sleep you have dreams of that house being hoisted on dozens of legs, crawling ever towards you.
4. Soured: While out robbing another, you returned to find your home had been burgled. Having tasted your own medicine you found it very bitter, and resolved to leave it behind.
5. Pursued: A bounty has been put on your head. You hope to find lands where no one recognizes you, or to earn enough gold to perhaps repay your crimes.
6. Bungled: You just were never good at it – you were continually caught in the act, assaulted by your targets, repeatedly found yourself having to make escaped by leaping into manure piles. Maybe adventuring will be different?

What was the most outstanding thing you stole?

1. Lucky Coin: This coin seems to always land the side you intend upwards.
2. Monkey’s Paw: An unattached paw of a money. When something is placed in its palm the fingers wrap around the object with an unbreakable grip. Squeezing the wrist stump causes the hand to release its grip.
3. Fossilized Legend: A palm-sized hunk of amber containing the miniature skeleton of a winged serpent.
4. Makani’s Magnificent Messaging Cube: An elaborately-decorate cube with a removable lid. Retains one sentence spoken into it, and will replay the exact wording in the speaker’s voice once when opened.
5. Coin-Purse of Copper Conversion: A peculiar leather purse that will immediately convert any coin or gems placed within to copper, bearing the markings or minting of the region that the owner is currently within.
6. Suspicious Song Bird: A cage containing one warbler that will begin chirping when in the presence of a statement that is unlikely to be true.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

You Get

A fancy hat, a cane, several vials of indeterminant liquid from prior ventures.

What Drove You Out?

1. Snakes: The source of the oil you were intending to sell united and rose up against you.
2. Betrayal: Your Mark sold you out to the Mercantile Guilds. Your old partner now lives comfortably while you’ll never be able to professionally sell anything again.
3. Vengeance: The last town you schemed over petitioned a Law Spirit to to get even with you.
4. Guilt: You honestly thought mercury lolipops would have made the children stronger.
5. Deficiancy: You’ve gone through almost every idea in the book, now you adventure for a sense of inspiration.
6. Runner-Up: An old rival always beat you to the punch – better pitch, more elaborate show, and they even made some money off of it. You decided you were tired of being second fiddle.

What Did You Keep From Your Past?

1. Pizazz: A small crate of fireworks is left from your smoke and mirrors performances.
2. A Very Vicious Pug: You often dressed it up in fake leathery wings and mock horns, then you’d “exorcise” the little imp with ancient chants and hidden sausages.
3. Rock Oil: One pint of a grease that only lubricates minerals.
4. Cassiel’s Clever Cure: A potion that will cure any disease, but unfortunately causes a different, completely random one.
5. Soap: A by-product of your usual platform, you have a nearly endless supply of lye.
6. Invisibility Balm: One tin of an amazing lotion that will turn one individual invisible. The user’s skin becomes completely transparent, but the skeleton and organs remain opaque.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

You Get

A meat cleaver, a bloody apron, one ham hock.

Why Did You Leave Butchery Behind?

1. Bankruptcy: Your practice failed turn any sort of a profit.
2. Guild Standards: Things that the guild believed to be “unsanitary” and “unethical” were a major part of your practice. You were stripped of your title.
3. Hemophobia: Despite being a fan of the art of the cut, the sight of blood leaves you faint.
4. Cursed: The nearby Necromancer made it pretty impossible for you to safely do your job, on account of all the animals rising to eat your brains mid-butchering.
5. Plant-Based Druidism: Your community was ran by a circle of Druids that made it very clear that if it wasn’t made out of legumes, it wasn’t welcome.
6. One Too Many Close Calls: Having gained a wide array of scars, lost a few fingers, and spilled quite a bit of your blood, you thought plundering tombs sounded safer.

What Strange Thing Did You Find On The Job?

1. Cleaver of Returning: Your knife is either enchanted or built in such a fashion that it boomerangs back to you when thrown. Unfortunately catching it is an extremely harrowing process.
2. Bottle of Sumptuous Blood: One of your primest cuts bled a liquid that makes any beast foam at the mouth. Pouring this out in the vicinity of animal will render it ravenous.
3. A Highly Obedient Hog: The one you couldn’t kill, you have a very reliable pig that follows your every step.
4. A Lucky Femur: One of the bones of a cow you slaughtered was riddled with runes. Surely it provides you some protection.
5. Regenerative Grounds: A fistfull of ground beef grows a cubic inch of new beef every day. Does not preserve yesterday’s meat any longer, though.
6. Nesting Best: The last cow you butchered ended up being hollow, containing a sheep within. It walks and talks like any other sheep, but you suspect that there’s an even smaller animal within.

Inspired by Electric Bastionland, Knave, and Ten Foot Polemic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.