Failed Career: Mercenary

You get

Gambeson reeking of body odor, a spear with a notched shaft, one stale sausage.

What is your shame?

1. Fired: Your routine shirking of duties, going AWOL, and just plain ornery nature led to you getting kicked out of the company. Everyone but one of your old sympathetic pals look down upon you.
2. Shell-shocked: Your crew was one of the first to acquire a prototype canon. Not completely sure how it worked, they launched you from it. You now reek of gunpowder no matter how much you wash.
3. Snitched On: The blink dogs that your mercenary group used as scouts saw you stealing a bit of extra from the company’s coffers, and dutifully did their best Lassie impression to point you out. Despite being thrown out, one still pursues you to this day.
4. Last Mercenary Standing: You were ordered to slay one man in a set of ruins. The figure transformed before your eyes, taking the shape of a massive minotaur, brutally slaying your friends. Somehow you were hidden in the rubble and the gore and were survived, but swore vengeance upon this shape shifter.
5. Laughing Stock: Your preference for ridiculous and sometime self-injuring weapons such as massive flails, impractical whips, chain staves, and the like got you laughed at by all your companions. You decided to wander off, the lone wolf that you are, to prove to them that your prototype boomerang-crossbow will be the next advancement in warfare.
6. Undead: Your previous mission to the Crypt of the Dread Necromancer ended, unexpectedly, with your gruesome death. What was surprising, however, was that your arose that very night, a member of the unliving. Aside from stinking a bit and being unable to bear the sight of holy symbols you seem to be mostly the same. You feared persecution and decided to flee from your company.

What treasure did you find on your final mission?

1. Sarcastic Suit of Armor: You found a set of pretty decent plate, but it seems to be related those fabled singing swords as it always has some disparaging remark or joke about whatever your doing. This is especially annoying because whenever it talks it flaps its visor up and down, even while you’re wearing it.
2. Rodent of Radiant Charisma: While marching through the marshlands you fell under the enchanting spell of a capybara. This creature seems to have a calming effect on most mundane animals when not too much of a commotion is going on.
3. Handgonne: An extremely rare metal tube set into a heavy block, if you stuff this full of blackpowder and a variety of sharp or metallic objects, you’re able to produce an extremely dangerous blast. Sometimes that danger affects you and your friends. You weren’t fortunate enough to discover a user’s manual as well.
4. Reverse Umbrella: You drew the shortest straw so all of your companions got first pick of the (murdered) wizard’s armory. This is an umbrella that produces a localized rainstorm when its open, pouring continuously out of the umbrella.
5. A Really Opulent Hat: Full of feathers, pins, adornments this massive hat is always the center of conversation.
6. Harpy Egg: Everyone told you not to take it. Anger the harpies they said. You’d be the death of us they said. Well turns out they were right, but that’s not gonna stop you from being a momma soon.

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