Failed Career: Merchant

You get

A nice floppy hat, a pouch of spices you accidentally mixed together, a small club you used to chase away thieves and savvy hagglers.

Ridiculous inventory – Turns out very few people are interested in purchasing “The deed to 1 Goblin.”
Cursed product – That weird sky rock you sold to the baron cracked, besetting the fief with vapors of an intelligible color. You decided to skip town before anyone traced the source.
Lost investment – The spice ship you paid for almost reached the Duchy before it was wrecked by the marauding merfolk. If only you had coin enough to hire muscle to go retrieve the wreckage.
Limitless discount – Your initial idea of giving someone a coupon redeemable for 10% off of a purchase for ever 100 gold pieces spent drew lots of return customers. Then someone had the bright idea to cash in 10 at once and take everything.
Hunted – Your specialty of monster teeth and claws came back to bite you in more ways than one when a troll regenerated from a poorly bleached fang.
Planar legal fees – Thinking this nasty-looking silver sword you were traded by an adventurer would net you a pretty penny, you were met with headache when a strange-looking figure stepped out of a portal threatening legal action as your “crystal sphere” didn’t have the license associated with selling such a weapon.

Riddle Skull – A human skull that responds to the words “riddle me” with a unique riddle, up to once per day. Getting the riddle wrong enrages the skull who spends the better part of an hour trying to bite you. You were told something great would happen if you got three days in a row correct, but have yet to do so.
Rodent Automata – Brass and tin mechanical mouse. Will follow instructions of up to four or five sentences spoken to it before being wound up. Afterwards it will buzz and hum and go about completing the task, best it can as a small, robotic mouse. Unfortunately its winding only sustains it for about ten minutes.
Wand of Clutter – Gesturing this wand at a sorted collection of dishware, clothing, or any nick-knacks will compel the items to get up, run around in disarray and come to rest in a mess over a 10 foot by 10 foot area.
Tricorn of True North – A decent hat that will rotate atop your dome, always pointing north when worn.
Iridescent Salamander – Small lizard-like creature that secretes a lightly-glowing fluid once a day when agitated. This substance glows with about the luminance of a candle and glows in a variety of colors. The salamander unfortunately also bites when angered.
Man’s Best Boot – This single leather boot follows you with the upmost loyalty and even pants like a dog. It isn’t able to bark, but will excitedly tap or stomp the ground.