Failed Career: Cultist

You get

Blood stained robes, a very vicious-looking dagger, a brand of some heretical mark somewhere on your body.

Purity: Despite wanting to be in the hip crowd of cool chaos cultists and to be able to hang with all the hip bad boys & girls, it turns out your soul was incorruptible. When your cult finally accumulated enough virginal blood to someone the Festering Plague Goat, it shrieked when it set its gaze upon you, disgusting even the Fetid Lord.
Ignorance: You didn’t realize everyone was serious about this whole “bring on the apocalypse” thing, you thought it was just a social club to wear spooky robes and practice cackling.
Escape: Unable to produce any more food to your vampire patron, they turned to feed on the cult itself. You were able to head out of town while you heard screams and the fluttering of wings behind you.
Disappointment: After your Dark Messiah manifested, they kind of just hung around and was always eating your food, asking to crash in your hut. They were always promising dark gifts but right now they just needed to get back on their feet if you could just spare a few silver pieces.
Bargain: Arrested for your dastardly deeds, the sheriff offered you a choice between the gallows or ratting out your snake-worshipping buddies. You chose freedom, although you’re sure the old arch priest knows it was you who snitched.
Revelation: The whole cult scene goes much deeper than you ever expected. Much more heinous entities dwell in the dark, and your want to work your up (or down?) the infernal ladder.

Infernal Parasite: One of your deity’s demonic messengers stabbed your stomach with its scorpion tale. You now have a demonic bot-fly living in your abdomen that will sometimes add its shriek to any war cry you are able to do, creating a chilling dissonance.
Pristine Milk: Your cults mascot turned out to be a top-notch dairy animal. You still have a tin canister of some of the finest goat milk around.
Horrifying Mask: The bronze face is of some contorted, twisting maw of teeth, tongues, and eyes. Wearing it generally creeps others, and sometimes yourself, out.
Cacophonous Flute: A wreck of a flute, if you are able to play it for a considerable amount of time everyone involved must save vs. migraine. Assuming they get beyond the initial annoyance and allow you to continue your playing.
Glyphed Parchment: You took a scroll from the sacrifice room of your cult. You never learned to decipher the runes contained on it, but perhaps you could find someone who can.
Unholy Priest’s Signet Ring: Thinking you would be able to quickly pawn this, everyone you have shown this ring to so far gasps and ushers you away from their stall immediately.